why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
