Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
