Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
