i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
