how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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