Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
