Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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