actually, I'm a sock model
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize