You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
