It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize