What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
that is very illegal...i love you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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