So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
