I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
