Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
only if we run a train.
done.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
