i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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