Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
