ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
