The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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