Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize