Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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