He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
