So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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