I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
