I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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