I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
