So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
