I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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