He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
