tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
