do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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