Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
