I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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