I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
