Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
