I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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