Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
