I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
