Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
