This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
