How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
