I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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