I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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