We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
