Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
