You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
