Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
