Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
