Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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