I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
