4 words: hood of his car
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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