I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
