Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
