You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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