Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
