the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
