We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
