There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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