I am full of burrito and curiosity
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
