I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
