Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
