im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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