A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
