She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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