She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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