So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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