All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
