I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
