I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
