epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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